A quick explanation and 3 simple action steps to help you do the best you can in creating something really special in your relationships. Yes, relationships can be amazing when you keep them simple! (After a 26 year marriage and four daughters, I have some experience in that arena)
10,000 Year Thinking is an awareness model so, if you are familiar with my model you know that, doing the best you can has to do with awareness, not greater effort or commitment or some other list of complex things to do.
So, for starters, make doing the best you can in your relationships an awareness thing rather than an effort thing. That brings up the question, what do you want to be aware of? Three things:
First, internal and external resonance
Second, the difference between deep understanding and simple awareness
Third, how relationships are energized naturally
So first, internal resonance has to do with what resonates with you energetically. That means simply what feels right for you. You don’t figure this out logically – something either feels right or it doesn’t. External resonance is the same thing except for someone else, in this case someone you have or want to have a meaningful relationship with.
Your highest priority if you want to do the best you can in your relationships is to be aware of what resonates with you and what resonates your partner (or child, parent, team, etc). That awareness all by itself is automatically transforming in a relationship if you allow it. Make that awareness ongoing, not just occasional.
Next, the difference between deep understanding and simple awareness. Don’t try to gain deep understanding of others in your relationships. The very idea of “deep” understanding is an illusion. There is no such thing. Some people think that more complexity correlates with deeper understanding. Don’t believe it.
I have had lots of people tell me that I understand them at a deep level. Here’s what’s really happening. I am aware of what resonates with them and am able to filter out the complex web of thinking that they have created that hides their simple and unique resonant energy, i.e. who they are.
What resonates with someone is not deep or hidden – it’s very clear and obvious when you look for simple resonant energy rather than logical complexity. In my experience, the gurus of the world don’t have some secret insight into the structure and makeup of a human being. They are simply aware of what uniquely resonates with themselves and with someone else and they point that out in some way.
Finally, what resonates with you is the energetic you. When you are connected with that and you find out what resonates with others and find ways to connect the two – they become one and the one they become is by its nature – energized!
Here’s three things you can do today to help you do the best you can to create something special in an important relationship:
- Write down three things that resonate with someone whom you are in relationship with. Not what they need, or what mades sense or something you figured out or a goal they should work towards – three things that simply resonate with that person. Done. (You now have valuable awareness that can transform the relationship)
- Mention one of those three things to that person in casual conversation at a time in the next day or two when it feels appropriate. An example might be, “you really love being around cool rivers and spending time fishing, don’t you.” (They will think you understand them at a very deep and complex level – and that you are a guru with other-worldly awareness)
- Notice (on the sly) whether they (and you) experienced a bump in energy when you acknowledged their resonant energy. You can easily tell by watching their body language. ( Yet more awareness)
Our Western world view often tends to categorize and classify things. We like to measure and compare and judge stuff including people and make things as complex as possible. That tendency has the effect of de-humanizing people and relationships and doesn’t help you to do the best you can. In fact, it can often have you completely disconnected from the people you want to be in relationship with.
Resonant energy is simple (and obvious) and it is the source of creativity and transformation in your relationships. Be aware on an ongoing basis of what resonates with you and those you care about and allow that energy to guide the relationship in the really special experiences you want.